eWrestling is like The Big Bang Theory

According to IMDB, The Big Bang Theory is a sitcom that shows what happens when hyper-intelligent roommates/physicists Sheldon and Leonard meet Penny, a beautiful woman moving in next door–and realize they know next to nothing about life outside of the lab. Rounding out the crew are the smarmy Howard Wolowitz, who thinks he’s as sexy as he is brainy, and Raj Koothrappali, who suffers from an inability to speak in the presence of a woman. The show has a lot of fans, but it also has a lot of detractors as well.  Much like eWrestling, you can find a varied mix of love and hate for the show, as well as a massive, rabid fan base.

SHELDON
Everyone knows Sheldon, hell, maybe you’re Sheldon. Sheldon is the guy who thinks the entire universe revolves around him. Maybe Sheldon is the guy who thinks the fed will die without him (it won’t). Or he could be the guy in your fed who makes unrealistic demands about his character and the way he’s written. I’ve been Sheldon before, thinking that I was so indispensable that the fed would surely wither away like a flower in the desert. Sadly, after leaving the federation, it actually did even better. Recruitment was up, roleplaying exploded and I became a punchline for years.

Ouch.

That harsh punch to the gut made me wake up and realize that there are dozens, maybe hundreds, of people who are eager to step in and take our spot. That’s why we have to make sure to be realistic with any issues we may have. We need a core group of people to lean on, and also a loyal bunch who will tell us the truth, regardless of how much it might hurt.

LEONARD
If you’re Leonard, then you’re one of those guys who always seems to put his foot in his mouth. You have varied amounts of success and failure, and because of that, you’re able to handle change well. Unlike Sheldon, if you lose a title match, you typically look on the “bright side” of things, knowing that there’s another title on the horizon for you. If you’re given constructive criticism, then you’re more willing to adapt and change to improve yourself. You’re less likely to cause problems, but you’ll tend to be a little less sure of yourself. Why is it that this is all coming off like some weird, wrestling version of a horoscope?

HOWARD
Remember Howard in your fed? He’s the guy who comes in, thinking his shit is the greatest in the world. After all, in his last fed, he was a 20 time World Champion and he held their World Title for over a year straight. Well, now he’s here and he’s ready to do the same thing in your fed. Sadly, it doesn’t turn out that way, so he whines and complains. He also inflates his performance by talking about how his promo had 3,245 words and his opponent only had 3,121. If you tell him about quality over quantity, he’ll shake his head and act like you’re the dumb one. But he isn’t all bad. He’s entertaining in the shoutbox. He makes everyone feel vastly better about their own work when compared to his, and he also really does enjoy OOC posts. Howard isn’t the worst kind of guy out there, he’s just the annoying one you have to put up with.

PENNY
OMG a girl! Penny is the ONE girl in your fed. Trust me, you know who I’m talking about. She could post a picture of a turd, and people would tell her it was the greatest photo since Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima. She’s constantly hit on, sometimes it’s funny, but other times it’s pretty awkward. You see people blatantly trying to get on her good side, asking if she’ll couple up with their character and then immediately want to bang. She gets all of the attention because she has boobs. Now, Penny is also quite smart though. She knows that just by her gender alone, she could easily win some gold with some half-hearted promos. She also knows to quickly pair up with someone, that way her weaknesses become a bonus when combined with a good partner. She’s also very underrated, because when she needs to, she can bust out a promo that would make your mother drool, but she restrains herself quite a bit of the time. Needless to say, Penny is probably the real star of the show, but she lets everyone else think that they are.

THE SUPPORTING CHARACTER
If you’re here, then you consider yourself to be in the “Other” category. You’re more like Raj, Stuart, Amy Farrah Fowler or Bernadette. You always show up and do your job. You clock in and out every week. You make everyone look good, regardless of their ability. You easily fill the opening match or midcard with no problems. You rarely complain, because you’re just happy to be around and always willing to go the extra mile to help someone out. You’re the real backbone of the federation, you keep it trucking right along, week after week and month after month. If it weren’t for you, the fed literally would have died off a long time ago. The storylines and angles you generate for the curtain jerkers and midcarders is top notch, quality stuff.

Every fed needs a dependable, trustworthy person to toss into a seemingly meaningless match to make it worthwhile. Sometimes you get to sit at the big table with the World Champion or perform in the main event. You get your time to shine and you get your moments to add to the history of the fed. But in the long run, you’ll always be remembered as the guy that everyone liked. They recommend you to every fed owner they talk to as a guy who will always be there and can work in any division. Don’t feel bad. We’ve all fallen into this category, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Hell, I’ve been in this holding pattern for two years now. Don’t worry, things always pick up for you, and when they do, it’s special enough that people will definitely remember it.

In mere generalities, that’s the full cast of characters in your fed. Did I miss someone? Is there a trait or characteristic I’ve forgotten to bring up? Shoot me your thoughts in the comments below or on AIM: Dirk.

Adios amigos! See you next week.

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